Update #2: Jeremy Keith responds to Arno after receiving a similiar email, but for perfume.

Update: Arno responds to this post. (read below first if you haven’t already for the full scoop)

You know, I’ve sifted through a truckload of emails in the past few years about instant credit reports, money-making opportunities and not to mention salespeople interested in selling me everything from pet rocks to laser-guided golf ball retreivers.

In all this time I’ve never once received a domain acquisition email, until today of course.

Not more than 8 hours ago, I received an email from an Arno Zimmerman in regards to purchasing, or actually acquiring this domain for a “well-known Hollywood studio”. The email was a bit hazy, but to keep this on record for future conversations I’m presenting it here in it’s entirety.

Read on as I really can’t make this kind of stuff up:

Dear Mr Sagen,

My sincere apologies for writing to you unannounced. My name is Arno Zimmerman and I am CEO of an Internet domain name acquisitions agency based here in Los Angeles, California.

My agency is currently engaged by a well-known Hollywood studio. The studio is producing a new action movie called The Kartooner. The movie has an all star cast, including Bruce Willis in the title role, and will be released in the fall. My client is therefore very keen to purchase the rights to the domain name kartooner.com from you.

I am sure that you will understand that I cannot provide you with much in the way of information about our client at this time. However I can assure you that they are sincere in their offer, and that they are keen to conclude this purchase quickly.

I would be interested to learn how much you would require for this transfer of ownership.

Many kind regards,

Arno Zimmerman

Okay, admittedly, you caught me off guard Mr. Zimmerman. If someone were to tell me — like you just did — that Bruce Willis would be starring in an action movie called The Kartooner, I’d be hesistant to believe such a thing.

However, if you want to talk about the greenback, I might be willing to budge for about $66,000 dollars, give or take.

Let me know, alright? In the meantime, I’m going to try and figure out what I’d purchase with that kind of money.

Arno Responds

Boy, have I got a solution for you! Fresh from the aroma-scented boxes sitting on our shelves comes a new one-of-a-kind product for those who don’t suffer from sleep deprivation:

Then, out of the blue, someone says something completely random like, “Gee, I really like scrubbing the mold off three-day-old bread with the edge of a butter knife.” and suddenly that little lightbulb turns on over your head, blinking on and off like a busted neon sign, and you remember that you needed to pick up butter from the store.

I can’t remember what I said the other night to my wife, nonchalantly, as I was adjusting the cushions on our couch. Whatever it was it inadvertedly reminded her that she needed to call her mother about something important and all because I made an offhand remark about something completely random and inconsequential but oddly relevant to our disjointed conversation. 

Honestly, I could wag, point or wiggle a finger in the direction of either excuse if it really came down to it, but instead I’ll just relinquish any excuse and steer my attention towards maintaining a sense of stability in regards to the lifeline of this site.

That said, I’d like to share with you a few snippets, which in some sense could also be nuggets of information, so I’ll call them “snuggets”. If you’re like me and love using completely made up words in everyday conversation, then feel free to use that in future discussions around the water cooler.

And now, I present this week’s worth of snuggets:

Blingo

As it says in the About section on the Blingo site: “Blingo is a search engine with a twist. Each search on Blingo is also a chance to win a prize.” It’s really that simple. In fact, just moments ago I was randomly selected to win a free movie ticket and because Colin Devroe invited me initially he’ll also receive the prize.

The Case of the Burnt Grilled Cheese Imprint

Word to the wise; when cooking a grilled cheese sandwich at your inlaws remember to check the pan to see if it’s non-stick. Last week I made the mistake of preparing a grilled cheese sandwich and then cooking it on a regular pan.

It didn’t help that the stove was gas burning and that I had set the temperature on high. As soon as I slapped the bread into the pan, it stuck to the bottom of it like glue and left behind a burnt toast-shaped imprint.

After dousing the pan in vinegar and an estimated 20 minutes of furious (elbow grease) scrubbing it looked close to as good as new.

Eating Bugs for Protein

I’ve often thought about and wondered why certain tribes eat bugs for protein. Ask a tribe member and he or she will tell you it’s for nourishment, good health and vitality or, simply, that it just tastes good.

I once ate a handful of chocolate-covered ants and thought it was one of the most disgusting things I had ever eaten, taste and texture wise. Ask yourself this question: Would you ever eat a bowlful of cockroaches for $1,000,000 dollars? The money aspect is tempting, but could you endure just how utterly distasteful that would be?

The Inventor of the Slow Cooker (a.k.a. Crockpot)

Whoever invented the slow cooker, thank you, from the bottom of my “I really didn’t feel like spending a great deal of time preparing dinner” heart. Whoever you are, you’re right up there with the inventors of Silly Putty (NASA, I believe) and water-expanding, insta-grow dinosaurs.

If you’re ever in a bind for time; cut up some round steak, toss in a can of stewed tomatoes, sweet peppers, a drop or two of Red Hot and switch to ‘High’ and in 5–6 hours you’ll be enjoying pepper steak.

Chocolate Shell Ice Cream Topping

On a similiar note to the above snugget, thanks to whomever came up with the chocolate shell topping. If you’ve never tried this, it’s basically the same chocolate solution that you would get in a real ice cream shop, that hardened chocolate coating on an ice cream cone. In this case, it’s for home use and makes a bowl of vanilla ice cream that much more tantalizing.

That’s it for this round of snuggets. If you’d like to add your own, please persuse the comments because we all love tidbits of what some would call useless bits of information, but what I like to call Snuggets.

Some are quirky, others just downright silly and implausible, yet as a whole they are a collection of random spurts that to some might seem incoherent or useless in some capacity but to others are the key towards happiness and contentment, a break from the perils of reality. To me, these thoughts, while not necessarily life changing by any means, are still important to keep a sense of sanity in a world where seriousness is abound.

Everyday we are faced with that person who we come across, whom at first glance, seems pouty or sour in some way. You know who I’m talking about because these individuals always seem down-and-out, restless or grumpy. Our first gut reaction to this might be to either ignore the person in question or attempt to make them smile, to fill their mind with lyrical and hopefully humorous nonsense that actually serves a purpose; to enlighten their hidden but whimsical self.

Life is too serious to not take a step back, breath in and laugh at yourself and laugh with others, it’s important to not only your own sense of mind but to others. Laughter and humor is in fact contagious and for each person that smiles and shrugs off any feeling of despairity, solemness or begrudgeful thoughts, will emerge from their shell and realize that life is much too short to forget about what makes us feel good inside.

On that note, I’d like to share with you some additional “Odd Thoughts” and if you’d like, please share some of your own or you could even answer a few.

If George Jetson and Homer Simpson were in a boxing match, who would win?

If you woke up tomorrow and everything was made of clay, would you be afraid to shave?

Why isn’t there a jump rope made of licorice?

Why is children’s music (like the Itsy, Bitsy Spider) typically used as creepy background music in horror movies?

Why do some people take care of grass as a plant when there’s plenty of it outside?

If paper can cut as easily as it does, why hasn’t someone come out with non-paper-cutting paper?

What would Orco (from He-Man) look like without his cape?

What did Tashi Station look like? Luke never got the chance to pick up some power converters.

If you could choose any movie to be magically transported into, what would you choose?

If Niggles are Noogles and Pastries are Grobbles, what is a TiddlyWiki?

If tomorrow they rename Firefox to Firecow, would people still use it?

When I was younger and to this day I’ll usually lie on the couch, when I can find a peaceful moment, and just stare at the ceiling. If I concentrate on the ceiling long enough, it will suddenly warp and roll as if it were made of taffy, expanding and snapping back to its previous form. If I listen to music, the tune will permeate into my thoughts and sometimes I’m left with an endless repetition of that tune in my mind. Believe me, I love music but not when it takes over and becomes a fixture in my mind. I’d only allow that to happen if it were a theme song, my own personal theme song, as I strolled the streets waving to passerbyers, offering high fives and thumbs up gestures.

Taking all of this into account, I rather like the definition of sickness which describes it as a malady, which further defines itself as “the malady of discontent”. It has a certain ring to it and certainly describes my condition at the moment. I feel as if I’m falling down the rabbit hole; past reversed mirrors, cackling chia pets and giant googly eyes.

How about you? What happens when you’re inflicted with the “common head cold”? 

At which point I either receive a stiffle of laughter or in most cases the typical “roll eyes and shakes head” response. I guess you just have to get my humor, it’s not always off the wall, but it’s certainly not of this world, as people have told me. It just proves a point that odd people are either accepted or shrugged off in this society eventually huddled into various classifications like comedians, “creative types”, odd todds and loonies.

These strange phrases and thoughts that huddle in my brain, waiting to pounce and dig their fingers into an unsuspecting person involved in a conversation with me are difficult to shake off. Instead of ignoring them I typically just blurt them out and see if it might add anything to the conversation. For instance, right now here are a few thoughts I’m having:

I’ve often wondered if squirrels have mini laser beams built into their heads?

If I were Superman what would I purchase at Target?

What would I do if I were face-to-face with a sea serpent? Make a dash for it? Have a staring contest?

If I could make any drawing come to life, what would it be?

Shaggy carpet conceals a lot of secrets. Regular carpet isn’t as secretive as it’s shaggy cousin.

What do you call two farmers on acid? A field trip.

What would Big Bird look like without his feathers? Also, was Big Bird male or female?

I’d imagine that I’m not the only person in this world that has these kinds of unusual thoughts, so if you could please share some odd thoughts of your own, or maybe someone might even provide an answer to your questions.