kartooner.com

Update #3: (drumroll) Arno is/was Andy “Malarkey” Clarke. What a crazy — but funny — bloke!

Update #2: Jeremy Keith responds to Arno after receiving a similiar email, but for perfume.

Update: Arno responds to this post. (read below first if you haven’t already for the full scoop)

You know, I’ve sifted through a truckload of emails in the past few years about instant credit reports, money-making opportunities and not to mention salespeople interested in selling me everything from pet rocks to laser-guided golf ball retreivers.

In all this time I’ve never once received a domain acquisition email, until today of course.

Not more than 8 hours ago, I received an email from an Arno Zimmerman in regards to purchasing, or actually acquiring this domain for a “well-known Hollywood studio”. The email was a bit hazy, but to keep this on record for future conversations I’m presenting it here in it’s entirety.

Read on as I really can’t make this kind of stuff up:

Dear Mr Sagen,

My sincere apologies for writing to you unannounced. My name is Arno Zimmerman and I am CEO of an Internet domain name acquisitions agency based here in Los Angeles, California.

My agency is currently engaged by a well-known Hollywood studio. The studio is producing a new action movie called The Kartooner. The movie has an all star cast, including Bruce Willis in the title role, and will be released in the fall. My client is therefore very keen to purchase the rights to the domain name kartooner.com from you.

I am sure that you will understand that I cannot provide you with much in the way of information about our client at this time. However I can assure you that they are sincere in their offer, and that they are keen to conclude this purchase quickly.

I would be interested to learn how much you would require for this transfer of ownership.

Many kind regards,

Arno Zimmerman

Okay, admittedly, you caught me off guard Mr. Zimmerman. If someone were to tell me — like you just did — that Bruce Willis would be starring in an action movie called The Kartooner, I’d be hesistant to believe such a thing.

However, if you want to talk about the greenback, I might be willing to budge for about $66,000 dollars, give or take.

Let me know, alright? In the meantime, I’m going to try and figure out what I’d purchase with that kind of money.

Arno Responds

Ever think you suffer from too much sleep? That your nights are never really restless and that you might have too much energy? Would you like to change this immediately?

Boy, have I got a solution for you! Fresh from the aroma-scented boxes sitting on our shelves comes a new one-of-a-kind product for those who don’t suffer from sleep deprivation:

Have you ever had those moments where you completely forget whatever it was you were supposed to do? Despite meticulously jotting said “to-do” item in an event planner, journal, online app or just a plain piece of paper you still forget. It doesn’t matter if you used a blue pen, if you were practicing yoga at the time or flying 2,000 feet over the Indian Ocean, we rarely remember everything we need to accomplish, even when we write them down.

Then, out of the blue, someone says something completely random like, “Gee, I really like scrubbing the mold off three-day-old bread with the edge of a butter knife.” and suddenly that little lightbulb turns on over your head, blinking on and off like a busted neon sign, and you remember that you needed to pick up butter from the store.

I can’t remember what I said the other night to my wife, nonchalantly, as I was adjusting the cushions on our couch. Whatever it was it inadvertedly reminded her that she needed to call her mother about something important and all because I made an offhand remark about something completely random and inconsequential but oddly relevant to our disjointed conversation.

As far as blogging is concerned, I’ve been a bit out of the loop lately. You could attribute it to the daily ritual of letting life’s responsibilities take focus or another excuse could be that I really haven’t had much to say of as late.

Honestly, I could wag, point or wiggle a finger in the direction of either excuse if it really came down to it, but instead I’ll just relinquish any excuse and steer my attention towards maintaining a sense of stability in regards to the lifeline of this site.

That said, I’d like to share with you a few snippets, which in some sense could also be nuggets of information, so I’ll call them “snuggets”. If you’re like me and love using completely made up words in everyday conversation, then feel free to use that in future discussions around the water cooler.

And now, I present this week’s worth of snuggets:

Blingo

As it says in the About section on the Blingo site: “Blingo is a search engine with a twist. Each search on Blingo is also a chance to win a prize.” It’s really that simple. In fact, just moments ago I was randomly selected to win a free movie ticket and because Colin Devroe invited me initially he’ll also receive the prize.

The Case of the Burnt Grilled Cheese Imprint

Word to the wise; when cooking a grilled cheese sandwich at your inlaws remember to check the pan to see if it’s non-stick. Last week I made the mistake of preparing a grilled cheese sandwich and then cooking it on a regular pan.

It didn’t help that the stove was gas burning and that I had set the temperature on high. As soon as I slapped the bread into the pan, it stuck to the bottom of it like glue and left behind a burnt toast-shaped imprint.

After dousing the pan in vinegar and an estimated 20 minutes of furious (elbow grease) scrubbing it looked close to as good as new.

Eating Bugs for Protein

I’ve often thought about and wondered why certain tribes eat bugs for protein. Ask a tribe member and he or she will tell you it’s for nourishment, good health and vitality or, simply, that it just tastes good.

I once ate a handful of chocolate-covered ants and thought it was one of the most disgusting things I had ever eaten, taste and texture wise. Ask yourself this question: Would you ever eat a bowlful of cockroaches for $1,000,000 dollars? The money aspect is tempting, but could you endure just how utterly distasteful that would be?

The Inventor of the Slow Cooker (a.k.a. Crockpot)

Whoever invented the slow cooker, thank you, from the bottom of my “I really didn’t feel like spending a great deal of time preparing dinner” heart. Whoever you are, you’re right up there with the inventors of Silly Putty (NASA, I believe) and water-expanding, insta-grow dinosaurs.

If you’re ever in a bind for time; cut up some round steak, toss in a can of stewed tomatoes, sweet peppers, a drop or two of Red Hot and switch to ‘High’ and in 5-6 hours you’ll be enjoying pepper steak.

Chocolate Shell Ice Cream Topping

On a similiar note to the above snugget, thanks to whomever came up with the chocolate shell topping. If you’ve never tried this, it’s basically the same chocolate solution that you would get in a real ice cream shop, that hardened chocolate coating on an ice cream cone. In this case, it’s for home use and makes a bowl of vanilla ice cream that much more tantalizing.

That’s it for this round of snuggets. If you’d like to add your own, please persuse the comments because we all love tidbits of what some would call useless bits of information, but what I like to call Snuggets.