After releasing Finding Nemo — one of my all-time favorites, right up there with Toy Story — Pixar announced that they were working on a film about cars. When I first heard the news I think I might’ve been reading an issue of Wired and sat in disbelief.

While the talking animal shtick has worn out its welcome, there’s a certain safety net that accompanies an animated film of that nature. Especially considering that talking animals is a formula that has been used by several animation companies (Disney and Warner Brothers comes to mind) in the past and for the most part, if done correctly, appeals to a vast audience.

While I passed up the opportunity to see the movie in the theater I did manage to rent it this past week and it’s safe to say that Cars, despite it’s main characters being talking vehicles, does work and only because Pixar is at the helm. I’m not entirely sure whether someone else with this material would’ve been able to make it as interesting and worth watching, which goes to show that Pixar could probably make talking rocks watchable.

The plot is surface deep, but the general outline is that it involves a pompous NASCAR race car named Lightning McQueen (perfectly voiced by Owen Wilson) who through the course of the movie humbles himself thanks to a few small town denizens who teach him how to slow down in life.

There’s a life lesson here that resounds in all of us, that life is sometimes too fast paced for us to realize that everything is coming at us at a blur. It’s been tackled before in movies but never using a car as the protagonist, who is quite literally the embodiment of fast-paced life.

On the other side of the spectrum, there’s even a deeper lesson about how we are willing to sacrifice beauty to shave a few minutes off our travel time. In the movie, it’s Route 66 that at one point in time flourished with tourists and car enthusiasts and now stands as reminder of what once was and will never be.

The movie itself is full of chuckles from the supporting cast and when it’s all said and done it really does stay with you. I’m an advocate of slowing down every once in a while, taking a step back, enjoying the sweeter aspects of life (like love, family and relationships) and figuring things out instead of letting everything fall into place.

As the Racal Flatts’ song ‘Life is a Highway’ tells us, “Life’s like a road that you travel on, When there’s one day here and the next day gone.”

Update #3: (drumroll) Arno is/was Andy “Malarkey” Clarke. What a crazy — but funny — bloke!

Update #2: Jeremy Keith responds to Arno after receiving a similiar email, but for perfume.

Update: Arno responds to this post. (read below first if you haven’t already for the full scoop)

You know, I’ve sifted through a truckload of emails in the past few years about instant credit reports, money-making opportunities and not to mention salespeople interested in selling me everything from pet rocks to laser-guided golf ball retreivers.

In all this time I’ve never once received a domain acquisition email, until today of course.

Not more than 8 hours ago, I received an email from an Arno Zimmerman in regards to purchasing, or actually acquiring this domain for a “well-known Hollywood studio”. The email was a bit hazy, but to keep this on record for future conversations I’m presenting it here in it’s entirety.

Read on as I really can’t make this kind of stuff up:

Dear Mr Sagen,

My sincere apologies for writing to you unannounced. My name is Arno Zimmerman and I am CEO of an Internet domain name acquisitions agency based here in Los Angeles, California.

My agency is currently engaged by a well-known Hollywood studio. The studio is producing a new action movie called The Kartooner. The movie has an all star cast, including Bruce Willis in the title role, and will be released in the fall. My client is therefore very keen to purchase the rights to the domain name kartooner.com from you.

I am sure that you will understand that I cannot provide you with much in the way of information about our client at this time. However I can assure you that they are sincere in their offer, and that they are keen to conclude this purchase quickly.

I would be interested to learn how much you would require for this transfer of ownership.

Many kind regards,

Arno Zimmerman

Okay, admittedly, you caught me off guard Mr. Zimmerman. If someone were to tell me — like you just did — that Bruce Willis would be starring in an action movie called The Kartooner, I’d be hesistant to believe such a thing.

However, if you want to talk about the greenback, I might be willing to budge for about $66,000 dollars, give or take.

Let me know, alright? In the meantime, I’m going to try and figure out what I’d purchase with that kind of money.

Arno Responds

Growing up, I was never prevented (nor deprived) from watching “classic” Hollywood films, including those of the cult, horror and Technicolor variety. They were always there, even if some weren’t major box office blowouts, because at least one person in my immediate and extended family had a VHS copy stashed somewhere.

Movies like The Blues Brothers, Animal House and Fast Times at Ridgemont High showed me how two bumbling jazz muscians, a group of frat boys and premiscuous teens could in the end — despite zany onscreen antics — come together and learn from their experiences, despite conflict and misunderstanding.

On the other end of the movie watching spectrum horror films like Nightmare on Elm Street, Critters, Ghoulies and Evil Dead II convinced me that scary movies could be funny, even if the creepy ghoul or slim-spewing monster wasn’t exactly performing slapstick.

Then there was The Jerk (1979) with Steve Martin (one of my Dad’s cherished movies), a movie that defined — at least to me at that particular point in time — that a movie could be silly and knee-slapping funny and maybe a bit sentimental.

The movie begins with the following line:

Huh? I am not a bum. I’m a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: my friends and… uh… my thermos. Huh? My story? Okay…

It’s hard to imagine anything worth watching would begin like that, but if it stars Steve Martin, there’s no second guessing really, it’s just going to work and not only that but it’ll be funny if not hilarious.

The Jerk tells the story of Navin Johnson, born a “poor black child”, who’s actually a very white man who happened to be raised by a Southern black family. In fact, the tagline of the film was “From rags to riches… to rags.” and that perfectly explains the overall story arch of this movie.

The truth of the matter is Nathan, no matter how hard he tries or thinks otherwise, is not all there mentally, in fact, he’s six plates short of a full course meal. Yet, this simple minded man can be sympathized with because not only is naive he’s also an endearing individual because of his innocense.

While The Jerk has plenty of hilarious sequences with our goofy protaganist, there’s one scene in particular that just busts me up even to this day. The scene, in which a sniper is trying to eliminate Navin, is funny because every time Navin is shot at he’s near a group of cans of some sort and thinks the sniper is shooting at the cans.

Martin (as Navin) exclaims, “He hates the cans! Stay away from the cans!” as he ducks and dives to get away from them. It’s completely nutty and yet fits within the context of the story. Why would Navin even consider that he’d be a target? It would have to be cans and a man with a deep hatred for them.

This scene, among many, is one of the reasons The Jerk has reached cult classic status and why it remains one of my favorite comedies of all time, right up there with other classic films that will always remain with me and influence my own personality and outlook on life.

Ask anyone who knows me about my fondness and utter boyhood joy for movies and most likely you’ll begin to piece together personal fragments that ultimately led to the person I am today.

Like Michael, I’m like a kid in a candy store — gnawing on an enormous Gobstopper — when it comes to watching movies, especially those rare cinematic experiences where you feel as if you’re a part of what’s occuring on screen.

There are very few movies that have immersed me in such a vivid manner that when I’m amongst the audience I forget about reality until the credits appear on screen. One such movie, which debuted in the early 90s, totally captivated me at the time as well as reminded me what a good movie could be.

Several months prior to the official opening of the movie I can remember strolling past the cardboard display, a medium-sized advertisement with a jeep and the words “Jurassic Park: An Adventure 65 Million Years in the Making”.

At the time, my brother and I stopped dead in our tracks and just examined the advertisement wondering to ourselves whether or not it was a dinosaur movie or a cheesy horror flick. Despite our attempts to figure out what the movie was about, I do remember thinking that the logo was fantastic, a silohuette of a dinosaur on a blood red background with huge bold letters, that alone guaranteed our prescence at the film’s release.

However, there was one tiny detail I had initially overlooked upon first glancing at the cardboard stand, that Jurassic Park was not only going to be a movie about dinosaurs, but that Steven Spielberg was directing. I decided then and there, without a moment’s hesitation, that I was going to see this movie, no matter what.

After doing some more research on the film, which if I remember correctly, consisted of watching every entertainment medium that I could, it was revealed that not only was this going to be a movie about dinosaurs, it was going to be about a “dinosaur amusement park”. In my opinion, mixing giant reptiles of the past with Disneyland seemed like a superb idea.

Having no prior knowledge of the book I decided to purchase it and read it before the movie, something I try to avoid since they rarely ever compliment eachother. A few chapters into Jurassic Park my eyes glazed over and I tossed the book aside in disbelief and frankly disappointment, mainly because of the long passages of text dealing strictly with medical terminology and the fact that the story itself dragged on.

Luckily, Steven Spielberg and crew took creative liberties with the story, something I was happy with considering the original storyline, while similar and I suppose appealing to some readers, wasn’t exactly “adventure” material (years later I would end up changing my mind, after reading the book cover-to-cover).

The movie Jurassic Park, unlike it’s book counterpart, was simply one of the most energetic and visually mind-blowing cinematic experiences since Star Wars. The breakthrough CGI, bringing to life dinosaurs you could only imagine beforehand, made these dinosaurs seem lifelike and in some instances downright horrific, especially the T-Rex and Raptors.

Almost 13 years later, I’ve since revisited Jurassic Park, having watched the DVD and airings of the movie on television and I’m still captivated by it. The performances are and characters themselves are stellar, especially that of Ian Malcolm as played by Jeff “The Fly” Goldblum. He plays the neurotic, know-it-all character in many films and pulls it off particularly well in JP. The special effects, which were pinnacle at the time, still remain convincing and dramatic.

Jurassic Park is and was truly one of the most fulfilling movie experiences that I’ve ever witnessed and because of the amount of detail and the thrilling aspects to the film it’ll always remain a classic, earning its spot next to other wonderful movies that will be watched and remembered by generations to come, mark my word.