Archives for the month of: March, 2006

My mother, TammyIni­tially, I wanted to write some­thing with pure depth and soul when I sat down to express my feel­ings, how­ever, it’s excep­tion­ally dif­fi­cult to describe what I’m feel­ing right now with­out there being a hint of con­fu­sion mixed in with remorse.

A few hours ago I found out that my mother passed away from kid­ney fail­ure, a woman who I wasn’t as close to as I would’ve liked to be. She was rel­a­tively young, only 45 years old and dwelled with­out resolve on var­i­ous deci­sions she made in her past, to the point where in the end she chose to stop living.

Despite this, I feel a sense of empti­ness because she was my mother, the woman who car­ried me in her womb for 9 months and for the first 7 years of my life did her best to look after my sib­lings and I.

Yet, it’s awk­ward right now, won­der­ing why I never reached out to her more. Aside from issues that kept us from becom­ing close, I sup­pose there’s a part of me that wishes I could’ve looked past that, instead try­ing to find some­thing to con­nect us again. I never did and in this life­time won’t have the answer to that.

For now, all I can muster up the emo­tion to say is that there was a part of me that loved my Mother uncon­di­tion­ally. Look­ing past her flaws, she had good qual­i­ties about her that I’m proud of. Six years ago, when I was afforded the oppor­tu­nity to sit down and have a painful, gritty and emo­tional dis­cus­sion with her, I respected her for open­ing her­self up to imperfection.

Mom, I hope you feel bet­ter whereever you are now. It’s hard for me to think I’ll never in this life­time have the oppor­tu­nity to talk to you again, but, I thank you for bring­ing me into this world. At one point in my life you were my hero and you could do no wrong and now I send my love to you in hopes that you are in a bet­ter place, far from any con­flict, rest­ing in peace, forever.

I love you.

Grow­ing up, I was never pre­vented (nor deprived) from watch­ing “clas­sic” Hol­ly­wood films, includ­ing those of the cult, hor­ror and Tech­ni­color vari­ety. They were always there, even if some weren’t major box office blowouts, because at least one per­son in my imme­di­ate and extended fam­ily had a VHS copy stashed somewhere.

Movies like The Blues Broth­ers, Ani­mal House and Fast Times at Ridge­mont High showed me how two bum­bling jazz mus­cians, a group of frat boys and premis­cu­ous teens could in the end — despite zany onscreen antics — come together and learn from their expe­ri­ences, despite con­flict and misunderstanding.

On the other end of the movie watch­ing spec­trum hor­ror films like Night­mare on Elm Street, Crit­ters, Ghoulies and Evil Dead II con­vinced me that scary movies could be funny, even if the creepy ghoul or slim-spewing mon­ster wasn’t exactly per­form­ing slapstick.

Then there was The Jerk (1979) with Steve Mar­tin (one of my Dad’s cher­ished movies), a movie that defined — at least to me at that par­tic­u­lar point in time — that a movie could be silly and knee-slapping funny and maybe a bit sentimental.

The movie begins with the fol­low­ing line:

Huh? I am not a bum. I’m a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beau­ti­ful woman. Now I only have two things: my friends and… uh… my ther­mos. Huh? My story? Okay…

It’s hard to imag­ine any­thing worth watch­ing would begin like that, but if it stars Steve Mar­tin, there’s no sec­ond guess­ing really, it’s just going to work and not only that but it’ll be funny if not hilarious.

The Jerk tells the story of Navin John­son, born a “poor black child”, who’s actu­ally a very white man who hap­pened to be raised by a South­ern black fam­ily. In fact, the tagline of the film was “From rags to riches… to rags.” and that per­fectly explains the over­all story arch of this movie.

The truth of the mat­ter is Nathan, no mat­ter how hard he tries or thinks oth­er­wise, is not all there men­tally, in fact, he’s six plates short of a full course meal. Yet, this sim­ple minded man can be sym­pa­thized with because not only is naive he’s also an endear­ing indi­vid­ual because of his innocense.

While The Jerk has plenty of hilar­i­ous sequences with our goofy pro­ta­gan­ist, there’s one scene in par­tic­u­lar that just busts me up even to this day. The scene, in which a sniper is try­ing to elim­i­nate Navin, is funny because every time Navin is shot at he’s near a group of cans of some sort and thinks the sniper is shoot­ing at the cans.

Mar­tin (as Navin) exclaims, “He hates the cans! Stay away from the cans!” as he ducks and dives to get away from them. It’s com­pletely nutty and yet fits within the con­text of the story. Why would Navin even con­sider that he’d be a tar­get? It would have to be cans and a man with a deep hatred for them.

This scene, among many, is one of the rea­sons The Jerk has reached cult clas­sic sta­tus and why it remains one of my favorite come­dies of all time, right up there with other clas­sic films that will always remain with me and influ­ence my own per­son­al­ity and out­look on life.

Admit­tedly, I’m a bit behind as far as my planned “psuedo-real-time” updates for SXSW 2006. The rea­son for this is twofold. One, because I’m still jet­lagged from last Thurs­day and haven’t got­ten a lot of sleep and two, there’s been so much going on that it’s been dif­fi­cult — at least for me — to pin­point what to write about exactly.

That said, it makes sense to tell you that while I’ve been hav­ing a blast here in Austin, TX with newly made friends, I also miss my fam­ily. My daugh­ter is only two years of age and has been ask­ing about my where­abouts since I left. I’m not sure how to han­dle that, but I’ll say that she, along with my wife and new son, have been on my mind alot.

Apart from that, it’s been extremely reward­ing to par­tic­i­pate in these pan­els and for once in my life to pay atten­tion to what’s being said with­out drift­ing off into a trance. A wealth of infor­ma­tion is being shared by industry-leading peo­ple, many of whom I admire.

That in itself is par­tic­u­larly cool espe­cially con­sid­er­ing that up until a few days ago I only asso­ci­ated myself with var­i­ous atten­dees and pre­sen­ters solely by dig­i­tal means (ie IM’ing, email, Skype, etc.) instead of hav­ing face-to-face conversations.

I’m not sure that I’ll go into extreme detail about the pan­els I’ve attended because it would only be a rehash of what’s been dis­cussed on sites already. Rather, I’ll just say that what I’ve got­ten from these pan­els is not only knowl­edge of design, code and busi­ness prac­tices and tech­niques, but also a new­found appre­ci­a­tion for those who are at the fore­front of all this, express­ing their opin­ions and knowl­edge with a great deal of pas­sion and understanding.

As far as the peo­ple I’ve met and had the oppor­tu­nity to chat with, they’ve all shared the same char­ac­ter­is­tics that I noted above, but most notably pas­sion, which dri­ves most of us towards our intended (or unin­tended) goals.

Sure, there’s the notion that a good major­ity of the atten­dees of SXSW are here for net­work­ing pur­poses and that fits within the con­text of the event, but there’s another ele­ment here that’s dif­fi­cult to iso­late. The fact that most peo­ple want to put a face to what­ever online per­sona they’ve become famil­iar with due to blogs, com­mu­ni­ties and forums.

It makes peo­ple more com­fort­able to actu­ally share a con­ver­sa­tion in per­son instead of just rec­og­niz­ing an avatar or nick­name and then shoot­ing an email off, hop­ing for a mean­ing­ful reply.

I’ve got­ten more from the human aspect of this con­fer­ence than what would oth­er­wise be attend­ing a few pan­els and exchang­ing busi­ness cards. This is a life chang­ing event and I know the true effect and end result will grow expo­nen­tially over time.

It’s hard to describe the jour­ney from New York to Austin, TX, mainly because it wasn’t quite how I imag­ined it would be. In my mind, I would’ve boarded the plane on time, with a few min­utes to spare. I would’ve landed at the Austin Inter­na­tional Air­port, grabbed my cobalt blue duf­fle bag, rented the car I had made a reser­va­tion for and drove to my hotel with­out get­ting lost.

You might have guessed where this is going, but, it was unde­ni­ably more com­pli­cated than what I just described. Rather, my flight was an hour delayed, my lug­gage went miss­ing for close to 2 hours and well, I got lost. Despite look­ing over the maps and con­vinc­ing myself that I was going to go from Point A to B with­out any trou­ble or con­fu­sion, it ended it being a fran­tic trip buzzing in and out of Texas traf­fic and finally after a des­per­ate call to the hotel I finally found the place.

The redeem­ing fac­tor in all this was going out to din­ner with Matthew Oliphant, Anton Peck, David Thomp­son (who has a slick ‘Hitchcock-esque’ logo), Will Pate and Steve Mar­shall. Prior to com­ing out here I had only heard of (or seen the work of) Anton Peck and Will Pate through mutual friends and col­legues. Already, I feel like I’ve made a few new friends and SXSW hasn’t even “offi­cially” started yet.

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