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There’s been something on my mind lately and it now feels like a good time to finally reveal that to you, without feeling completely embarassed. There’s nothing quite like a nagging thought, jumping up and down in your mind like that energetic classmate who realized the answer just before you did, remember that kid? Frantically waving his hand, while trying to maintain a sense of mental stability, yeah, that’s how I feel right now so let me just spill it.

We need another 80’s movie.

I know, you’re probably thinking to yourself right now that I’ve completely lost it. After several weeks of silence, my mind has come to a screeching halt and I’ve crashed landed in Crazy-go-nutsville, Population: Me.

It’s possible that I might’ve agreed with you prior to my writing this, but at the moment I’ve convinced myself that this might save Hollywood from the mediocre scripts that are somehow greenlighted before someone realizes that Wil Ferrel and Ashton Kutcher have not only jumped the shark but they are now fleeing said shark in a frantic craze.

Let me break this down into a few thoughts wherein I hope to redeem my revealing this absolutely insane suggestion.

Features of a Typical 80’s Movie

Think back to films like ‘Sixteen Candles’, ‘The Goonies’, ‘Back to the Future’, ‘E.T.’, ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ and flops like ‘Willow’, ‘Howard the Duck’ and those Ewok movies. What did these all have in common, despite awful hair styles, awkward acting and pseudo-electronic music?

All of the films mentioned above ultimately have that “feel good”, slow-clapping emotion that’s hard to replicate in modern films of the early-to-mid 90’s and now the 2000’s. I’m sure you’ve seen some extraordinary films in your lifetime which completely changed your perspective and outlook about the entertainment industry, but why is it that even today we can’t help but quote 80’s films in everyday conversation?

Lost Sincerity

Do we need to thank the writers of 80’s movies for breathing life, albeit sappy life, into the films which we remember? Or, is there something else at work here?

I’ve often thought about the impact 80’s films have had on my life and why I’m constantly reflecting to an era that many people are glad is over, but there was a sincerity that’s missing in recent films and we need that back in order to close the book on a chapter of film that never felt resolved.

End of an Era

To me it just kind of abruptly ended with movies like ‘Batteries Not Included’, ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit’ and ‘UHF’ and to this day I half-expected someone like Billy Barty or Weird Al to hit a enormous golden gong during a live telethon to mark the end of 80’s entertainment (Farewell to the 80’s: Celebs on Call) and announce to the world that the curtain would be lifted and the spotlight would be shone on films of the new era; the 1990’s.

There was never such an occassion. Never a slow clap that would gradually increase into a full applause with a freeze-framed ending coupled with the awkward laugh that would transition to a quick thumbs up from the jock or beauty queen who learned to accept those who were different.

Never once did I hear the likes of Depeche Mode, ZZTop, Stevie Ray Vaughan or Oingo Boingo fading slowly away in the background as the lights dimmed and the curtains fell marking the end of an era.

Instead, we were lining up for Dances with Wolves and yet another Pauly Shore movie, looking forward with the movie-going blindsights on and forgetting why 80’s movies were so endearing, sensitive, funny, sappy and sincere in that “feel good”, slow-clapping kind of way.

We need another 80’s movie.