Odd Thoughts

March 31, 2005

Odd ToddSome­times strange phrases, thoughts and ques­tions lurk around in my head, to the point where I have to either write them down or tell them to some­one in order to pre­vent myself from for­get­ting them.

At which point I either receive a stiffle of laugh­ter or in most cases the typ­i­cal “roll eyes and shakes head” response. I guess you just have to get my humor, it’s not always off the wall, but it’s cer­tainly not of this world, as peo­ple have told me. It just proves a point that odd peo­ple are either accepted or shrugged off in this soci­ety even­tu­ally hud­dled into var­i­ous clas­si­fi­ca­tions like come­di­ans, “cre­ative types”, odd todds and loonies.

These strange phrases and thoughts that hud­dle in my brain, wait­ing to pounce and dig their fin­gers into an unsus­pect­ing per­son involved in a con­ver­sa­tion with me are dif­fi­cult to shake off. Instead of ignor­ing them I typ­i­cally just blurt them out and see if it might add any­thing to the con­ver­sa­tion. For instance, right now here are a few thoughts I’m having:

I’ve often won­dered if squir­rels have mini laser beams built into their heads?

If I were Super­man what would I pur­chase at Target?

What would I do if I were face-to-face with a sea ser­pent? Make a dash for it? Have a star­ing contest?

If I could make any draw­ing come to life, what would it be?

Shaggy car­pet con­ceals a lot of secrets. Reg­u­lar car­pet isn’t as secre­tive as it’s shaggy cousin.

What do you call two farm­ers on acid? A field trip.

What would Big Bird look like with­out his feath­ers? Also, was Big Bird male or female?

I’d imag­ine that I’m not the only per­son in this world that has these kinds of unusual thoughts, so if you could please share some odd thoughts of your own, or maybe some­one might even pro­vide an answer to your questions. 

30 comments

If I wash 20 pairs of iden­ti­cal socks, why do I end up pulling out 40 socks that don’t match from the dryer?

And come to think of it, where do all the partially-spent pens go?

by Simon Jessey on March 31, 2005 at 8:51 am. Reply #

How many peo­ple are, you know, “doin’ it,” right now?

by Max on March 31, 2005 at 9:20 am. Reply #

What does it feel like to have a bul­let inside your body and be con­scious of it?

(John Lennon used to think about that, accord­ing to Albert Goldman’s biog­ra­phy — too bad he would even­tu­ally find it out for real)

by beto on March 31, 2005 at 12:10 pm. Reply #

How many hours could I save if Microsoft actu­ally played nice and sup­ported standards+CSS in their browsers? What would I do with those hours? Would I be a hap­pier man?

by Matt Burris on March 31, 2005 at 12:12 pm. Reply #

You know what I want to know? Why is your grandmother’s sis­ter called your great aunt? Your grandmother’s mother is your great grand­mother. It seems like your great aunt is one level too low to be called great. Shouldn’t she be your grand aunt?

I’m not crazy.

by Greg on March 31, 2005 at 12:13 pm. Reply #

Is there really a cool­ing fan in my com­puter, or is it a lit­tle gnome going “prrrrrrrr”?

And where does he go to get a glass of water? You’d get a dry mouth from doing that 18 hours a day.

by Hayo on March 31, 2005 at 12:14 pm. Reply #

Speak­ing of Big Bird. How long do you think it would take to cook, at roughly 20 min­utes per pound?

by Simon Jessey on March 31, 2005 at 12:43 pm. Reply #

I am look­ing for a guy that thinks just like you. Have you seen her?

by Gerry on March 31, 2005 at 1:10 pm. Reply #

Erik, I think it would be odd if you had those thoughts in Spanish.

by Tod on March 31, 2005 at 1:19 pm. Reply #

Say you’d have seven gnus. One dies. Will the rest die as well, or will they get real sick?

by Rob Mientjes on March 31, 2005 at 4:12 pm. Reply #

If I pick a size 32… will my arse look big in this?

by John Oxton on March 31, 2005 at 4:18 pm. Reply #

Man, you guys truly have some odd thoughts, but hey, at the end of the day it’s all you can rely on to keep you sane. Weird how that works.

Another one comes to mind:

Does tap­ping on my fore­head annoy my brain?

by kartooner on March 31, 2005 at 9:49 pm. Reply #

If I throw type­writ­ers and Shakespeare’s work in the air, will it rain monkeys?

by Rob Mientjes on April 1, 2005 at 7:09 am. Reply #

Erik says:

Does tap­ping on my fore­head annoy my brain?

That really depends on whether or not you have a brain to annoy, doesn’t it?

Any­way, Is it true that if you shine a bright light on the back of your head, it helps you get over jet lag?

by Simon Jessey on April 1, 2005 at 10:28 am. Reply #

Simon: Yeah and even that’s debat­able. :)

by kartooner on April 1, 2005 at 10:37 am. Reply #

What do you call two farm­ers on acid? A field trip.

HA. One thing about farm­ers… they’re often out­stand­ing in their fields.

by kingbenny on April 1, 2005 at 12:45 pm. Reply #

I nor­mally have a txt file lay­ing around for things like these, then once it gets to a decent size I post it. A more recent one is:

Why do peo­ple talk to be inter­est­ing when every­thing they say is boring?

by Mark Michon on April 1, 2005 at 10:56 pm. Reply #

Not an orig­i­nal, but:

Why do we drive on park­ways and park on dri­ve­ways? And while we’re at it…When we send stuff by boat, its cargo…when we ship stuff by car its a shipment!?

by Ian on April 3, 2005 at 6:07 pm. Reply #

What do alli­ga­tors do when they have an itchy nose?

by Mike on April 4, 2005 at 8:27 am. Reply #

Now we just need a thread for odd answers and we’ll be set, I think.

by kartooner on April 4, 2005 at 4:02 pm. Reply #

Guess your a ‘weird’ chip off the block from me.…I too get weird ‘odd’ thoughts that as you know have caused a lot of eye rolls or what­ev­ers.
Good job!
Dad

by dad on April 4, 2005 at 5:21 pm. Reply #

[…] n or per­haps, as in this case, a chance to revisit and expand upon. Around two months ago, Odd Thoughts was posted for one sim­ple and yet obvi­ous rea­son; fo […]

by Odd Thoughts: Part Two » kartooner.com on June 11, 2005 at 12:09 pm. Reply #

Why is it that the longer you go with­out sex, the harder it is to get laid? And why would an ostrich be con­sid­ered a bird if it can’t fly?

by JC on June 23, 2005 at 3:27 am. Reply #

[…] 4 years of writ­ing, off and on, about a vari­ety of things such as odd thoughts, close calls, suc­cess (and fail­ure) and other things now rel­e­gated to the archives, it’s time […]

by kartooner.com » Turning the Tide on March 23, 2007 at 9:13 pm. Reply #

You ever won­der what guy decided to walk up to a cow and say: ” I’m going to squeeze these dan­gling things and drink what­ever the hell comes out of them” ???? bit of an odd concept.

and why do doc­tors call what they do ‘prac­tice’? aren’t they already cer­ti­fied? I don’t want no doc­tor to come in and say ‘hold your breath because we are all outta mor­phine but its okay, its my first time’ .….w..t..f…

~mal­colm

by Malcolm on July 31, 2007 at 2:27 am. Reply #

Does the wind move the trees?
…Or do the trees move the wind?

by kj_nutt on November 22, 2008 at 9:33 pm. Reply #

speakin of milkin cows. what made them try goats to get goats milk. and what ani­mals did they try and not suc­ceed with

by coda on January 21, 2009 at 6:44 am. Reply #

If you turned an upside-down cake upside-down, would it still be an upside-down cake?

by Iain Davis on August 5, 2009 at 10:48 am. Reply #

What are dogs look­ing for when they sniff around for a spot to crap?

by Donn on August 30, 2011 at 5:58 pm. Reply #

How did squir­rels form such straight lines of trees along the highway?

by Donn on August 30, 2011 at 6:01 pm. Reply #

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