Odd Thoughts
March 31, 2005
Sometimes strange phrases, thoughts and questions lurk around in my head, to the point where I have to either write them down or tell them to someone in order to prevent myself from forgetting them.
At which point I either receive a stiffle of laughter or in most cases the typical “roll eyes and shakes head” response. I guess you just have to get my humor, it’s not always off the wall, but it’s certainly not of this world, as people have told me. It just proves a point that odd people are either accepted or shrugged off in this society eventually huddled into various classifications like comedians, “creative types”, odd todds and loonies.
These strange phrases and thoughts that huddle in my brain, waiting to pounce and dig their fingers into an unsuspecting person involved in a conversation with me are difficult to shake off. Instead of ignoring them I typically just blurt them out and see if it might add anything to the conversation. For instance, right now here are a few thoughts I’m having:
I’ve often wondered if squirrels have mini laser beams built into their heads?
If I were Superman what would I purchase at Target?
What would I do if I were face-to-face with a sea serpent? Make a dash for it? Have a staring contest?
If I could make any drawing come to life, what would it be?
Shaggy carpet conceals a lot of secrets. Regular carpet isn’t as secretive as it’s shaggy cousin.
What do you call two farmers on acid? A field trip.
What would Big Bird look like without his feathers? Also, was Big Bird male or female?
I’d imagine that I’m not the only person in this world that has these kinds of unusual thoughts, so if you could please share some odd thoughts of your own, or maybe someone might even provide an answer to your questions.
30 comments
If I wash 20 pairs of identical socks, why do I end up pulling out 40 socks that don’t match from the dryer?
And come to think of it, where do all the partially-spent pens go?
by Simon Jessey on March 31, 2005 at 8:51 am. #
How many people are, you know, “doin’ it,” right now?
by Max on March 31, 2005 at 9:20 am. #
What does it feel like to have a bullet inside your body and be conscious of it?
(John Lennon used to think about that, according to Albert Goldman’s biography — too bad he would eventually find it out for real)
by beto on March 31, 2005 at 12:10 pm. #
How many hours could I save if Microsoft actually played nice and supported standards+CSS in their browsers? What would I do with those hours? Would I be a happier man?
by Matt Burris on March 31, 2005 at 12:12 pm. #
You know what I want to know? Why is your grandmothers sister called your great aunt? Your grandmothers mother is your great grandmother. It seems like your great aunt is one level too low to be called great. Shouldnt she be your grand aunt?
I’m not crazy.
by Greg on March 31, 2005 at 12:13 pm. #
Is there really a cooling fan in my computer, or is it a little gnome going “prrrrrrrr”?
And where does he go to get a glass of water? You’d get a dry mouth from doing that 18 hours a day.
by Hayo on March 31, 2005 at 12:14 pm. #
Speaking of Big Bird. How long do you think it would take to cook, at roughly 20 minutes per pound?
by Simon Jessey on March 31, 2005 at 12:43 pm. #
I am looking for a guy that thinks just like you. Have you seen her?
by Gerry on March 31, 2005 at 1:10 pm. #
Erik, I think it would be odd if you had those thoughts in Spanish.
by Tod on March 31, 2005 at 1:19 pm. #
Say you’d have seven gnus. One dies. Will the rest die as well, or will they get real sick?
by Rob Mientjes on March 31, 2005 at 4:12 pm. #
If I pick a size 32… will my arse look big in this?
by John Oxton on March 31, 2005 at 4:18 pm. #
Man, you guys truly have some odd thoughts, but hey, at the end of the day it’s all you can rely on to keep you sane. Weird how that works.
Another one comes to mind:
by kartooner on March 31, 2005 at 9:49 pm. #
If I throw typewriters and Shakespeare’s work in the air, will it rain monkeys?
by Rob Mientjes on April 1, 2005 at 7:09 am. #
Erik says:
That really depends on whether or not you have a brain to annoy, doesn’t it?
Anyway, Is it true that if you shine a bright light on the back of your head, it helps you get over jet lag?
by Simon Jessey on April 1, 2005 at 10:28 am. #
Simon: Yeah and even that’s debatable.
by kartooner on April 1, 2005 at 10:37 am. #
What do you call two farmers on acid? A field trip.
HA. One thing about farmers… they’re often outstanding in their fields.
by kingbenny on April 1, 2005 at 12:45 pm. #
I normally have a txt file laying around for things like these, then once it gets to a decent size I post it. A more recent one is:
Why do people talk to be interesting when everything they say is boring?
by Mark Michon on April 1, 2005 at 10:56 pm. #
Not an original, but:
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? And while we’re at it…When we send stuff by boat, its cargo…when we ship stuff by car its a shipment!?
by Ian on April 3, 2005 at 6:07 pm. #
What do alligators do when they have an itchy nose?
by Mike on April 4, 2005 at 8:27 am. #
Now we just need a thread for odd answers and we’ll be set, I think.
by kartooner on April 4, 2005 at 4:02 pm. #
Guess your a ‘weird’ chip off the block from me.…I too get weird ‘odd’ thoughts that as you know have caused a lot of eye rolls or whatevers.
Good job!
Dad
by dad on April 4, 2005 at 5:21 pm. #
[…] n or perhaps, as in this case, a chance to revisit and expand upon. Around two months ago, Odd Thoughts was posted for one simple and yet obvious reason; fo […]
by Odd Thoughts: Part Two » kartooner.com on June 11, 2005 at 12:09 pm. #
Why is it that the longer you go without sex, the harder it is to get laid? And why would an ostrich be considered a bird if it can’t fly?
by JC on June 23, 2005 at 3:27 am. #
[…] 4 years of writing, off and on, about a variety of things such as odd thoughts, close calls, success (and failure) and other things now relegated to the archives, it’s time […]
by kartooner.com » Turning the Tide on March 23, 2007 at 9:13 pm. #
You ever wonder what guy decided to walk up to a cow and say: ” I’m going to squeeze these dangling things and drink whatever the hell comes out of them” ???? bit of an odd concept.
and why do doctors call what they do ‘practice’? aren’t they already certified? I don’t want no doctor to come in and say ‘hold your breath because we are all outta morphine but its okay, its my first time’ .….w..t..f…
~malcolm
by Malcolm on July 31, 2007 at 2:27 am. #
Does the wind move the trees?
…Or do the trees move the wind?
by kj_nutt on November 22, 2008 at 9:33 pm. #
speakin of milkin cows. what made them try goats to get goats milk. and what animals did they try and not succeed with
by coda on January 21, 2009 at 6:44 am. #
If you turned an upside-down cake upside-down, would it still be an upside-down cake?
by Iain Davis on August 5, 2009 at 10:48 am. #
What are dogs looking for when they sniff around for a spot to crap?
by Donn on August 30, 2011 at 5:58 pm. #
How did squirrels form such straight lines of trees along the highway?
by Donn on August 30, 2011 at 6:01 pm. #