Sometimes strange phrases, thoughts and questions lurk around in my head, to the point where I have to either write them down or tell them to someone in order to prevent myself from forgetting them.
At which point I either receive a stiffle of laughter or in most cases the typical “roll eyes and shakes head” response. I guess you just have to get my humor, it’s not always off the wall, but it’s certainly not of this world, as people have told me. It just proves a point that odd people are either accepted or shrugged off in this society eventually huddled into various classifications like comedians, “creative types”, odd todds and loonies.
These strange phrases and thoughts that huddle in my brain, waiting to pounce and dig their fingers into an unsuspecting person involved in a conversation with me are difficult to shake off. Instead of ignoring them I typically just blurt them out and see if it might add anything to the conversation. For instance, right now here are a few thoughts I’m having:
I’ve often wondered if squirrels have mini laser beams built into their heads?
If I were Superman what would I purchase at Target?
What would I do if I were face-to-face with a sea serpent? Make a dash for it? Have a staring contest?
If I could make any drawing come to life, what would it be?
Shaggy carpet conceals a lot of secrets. Regular carpet isn’t as secretive as it’s shaggy cousin.
What do you call two farmers on acid? A field trip.
What would Big Bird look like without his feathers? Also, was Big Bird male or female?
I’d imagine that I’m not the only person in this world that has these kinds of unusual thoughts, so if you could please share some odd thoughts of your own, or maybe someone might even provide an answer to your questions.
If I wash 20 pairs of identical socks, why do I end up pulling out 40 socks that don’t match from the dryer?
And come to think of it, where do all the partially-spent pens go?
How many people are, you know, “doin’ it,” right now?
What does it feel like to have a bullet inside your body and be conscious of it?
(John Lennon used to think about that, according to Albert Goldman’s biography - too bad he would eventually find it out for real)
How many hours could I save if Microsoft actually played nice and supported standards+CSS in their browsers? What would I do with those hours? Would I be a happier man?
You know what I want to know? Why is your grandmother’s sister called your great aunt? Your grandmother’s mother is your great grandmother. It seems like your great aunt is one level too low to be called great. Shouldn’t she be your grand aunt?
I’m not crazy.
Is there really a cooling fan in my computer, or is it a little gnome going “prrrrrrrr”?
And where does he go to get a glass of water? You’d get a dry mouth from doing that 18 hours a day.
Speaking of Big Bird. How long do you think it would take to cook, at roughly 20 minutes per pound?
I am looking for a guy that thinks just like you. Have you seen her?
Erik, I think it would be odd if you had those thoughts in Spanish.
Say you’d have seven gnus. One dies. Will the rest die as well, or will they get real sick?
If I pick a size 32… will my arse look big in this?
Man, you guys truly have some odd thoughts, but hey, at the end of the day it’s all you can rely on to keep you sane. Weird how that works.
Another one comes to mind:
If I throw typewriters and Shakespeare’s work in the air, will it rain monkeys?
Erik says:
That really depends on whether or not you have a brain to annoy, doesn’t it?
Anyway, Is it true that if you shine a bright light on the back of your head, it helps you get over jet lag?
Simon: Yeah and even that’s debatable. :)
What do you call two farmers on acid? A field trip.
HA. One thing about farmers… they’re often outstanding in their fields.
I normally have a txt file laying around for things like these, then once it gets to a decent size I post it. A more recent one is:
Why do people talk to be interesting when everything they say is boring?
Not an original, but:
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? And while we’re at it…When we send stuff by boat, its cargo…when we ship stuff by car its a shipment!?
What do alligators do when they have an itchy nose?
Now we just need a thread for odd answers and we’ll be set, I think.
Guess your a ‘weird’ chip off the block from me….I too get weird ‘odd’ thoughts that as you know have caused a lot of eye rolls or whatevers.
Good job!
Dad
[…] n or perhaps, as in this case, a chance to revisit and expand upon. Around two months ago, Odd Thoughts was posted for one simple and yet obvious reason; fo […]
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[…] 4 years of writing, off and on, about a variety of things such as odd thoughts, close calls, success (and failure) and other things now relegated to the archives, it’s time […]
You ever wonder what guy decided to walk up to a cow and say: ” I’m going to squeeze these dangling things and drink whatever the hell comes out of them” ???? bit of an odd concept.
and why do doctors call what they do ‘practice’? aren’t they already certified? I don’t want no doctor to come in and say ‘hold your breath because we are all outta morphine but its okay, its my first time’ …..w..t..f…
~malcolm