Seven Eighty-Four
February 24, 2005
There’s a Chinese restaurant that my office mates and I frequently dine at called The China Buffet. The owner, a short and stocky man with piercing eyes, runs the place like a spit-polished factory keeping his wary eye on his employees, making sure every penny is accounted for. We like to call him the Samarai and it’s not just because he’s of Asian decent, but mainly due to the fact that he barks commands as if he’s concealing a sword behind the counter.
The other day we ordered three drinks and filled our plates with at least three trip’s worth of Chinese food. Afterwards we gobbled down ice cream to cool our palettes and then came time to pay the bill. The owner, dubbed “Samurai Jack”, asks for the bill and slowly scans each item as if he’s concentrating on a really difficult crossword puzzle. He looks up, then down, and finally asks if I will be paying with cash or credit. I pull out my wallet and slide my credit card across the counter and he pauses, “I see two drinks on bill. Did you have a soda?” I nodded and in Chinese he barks some commands at the waitress who in turn barked commands at the busboy. At this point the owner explains that even though it’s not on the bill I will still be charged for the drink. I shrug and tell him, “Fine.”, then at the top of his lungs he says, “$7.84! You pay the same as all the rest. $7.84!”
I sign the receipt and walk out the door, laughing to myself and thinking that this man, “Samurai Jack” should have his own sitcom. I envision it as a cross between Belushi’s The Samurai Butcher and Sanford and Son.
11 comments
Yeah buddy, don’t even think for a minute that you’re getting out the door without paying for the $1.09 soda that he paid about $0.03 for! No siree!
by Chad on February 24, 2005 at 6:20 pm. #
Is there a “China Buffet” in every town across America? That is just begging to become some weird Flickr group…
by Max on February 24, 2005 at 8:11 pm. #
I would have yelled back, “I’m not paying a penny over $7.83!”
by Scott on February 24, 2005 at 9:57 pm. #
Dude, is that the one in Henrietta right next to Subway and that Tandoor indian restaurant? Cause if so, then I know exactly who you’re talking about!
by Mike on February 25, 2005 at 3:11 am. #
That’s what I hear everytime I go to a “China Buffet”.
by Colin D. Devroe on February 25, 2005 at 3:12 am. #
Chad: You’d think he would’ve let the drink slide, but no, he’s a Samurai!
Max: There might even be a China Buffet on Mars. If you’ve seen Total Recall, there’s a Jack in the Box on the red planet, so there has to be a China Buffet.
Scott: Hah, then he would have chopped my hands off for being disobedient. Not a chance!
Mike: Yep, it is! I’m guessing that you too have shared the same experience with Samurai Jack.
Colin: What rock did you crawl out from? Only joking of course, just haven’t seen you in awhile. Anyhow, I’m thinking every China Buffet in the world (including the one on Mars) should adopt that slogan: “All you can eat, it’s just a phrase, just an expression!”.
by kartooner on February 25, 2005 at 10:07 am. #
Not completely on topic, but there is a Chinese restaurant near where I worked called Dynasty Chinese Kitchen. Unfortunately, due to the harsh outdoor environment (?), the first two letters have fallen off, and it now reads: nasty Chinese Kitchen. Which, considering the health inspection scores of Chinese restaurants in Austin, makes a lot of sense.
by Greg on February 25, 2005 at 11:03 am. #
There’s a Chinese all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant near where I live that I like to visit on special occasions. The food is authentic and ran by a family who moved from China about 10 years ago. There’s a girl there, very beautiful, but doesn’t speak hardly any English. Obviously she has seen Full Metal Jacket, because when customers pay their bills and walk to the door, she always yell out, “Bye bye! Me love you long time!” She usually get smiles and laughs when she does that, which probably makes her think she’s pleasing the customers.
God bless authentic Chinese restaurants. Without them, America would be dull.
by Matt Burris on February 26, 2005 at 3:27 pm. #
Greg that’s hilarious!
I will remember not to eat Chinese while visiting Austin.
Matt, you’re right.
by kartooner on February 27, 2005 at 11:47 am. #
I have Fried Rice.…‘fried ice’.….good story Erik.
by Dad on March 1, 2005 at 11:40 pm. #
That’s awesome! We ate there once when we lived in Roc.
Once.
by Eric on March 2, 2005 at 2:55 am. #